Did I Choose?

It’s a question that pops into my head every so often. Did I choose my parents? Did I somehow choose this life before I even knew I had a choice?  

What I wrestle with is the notion that maybe we as beings before taking flesh and bone form had a choice. If we had a choice, why did we choose to be born to certain people, to have our initial family with them?  

Sometime I think maybe I was given a choice high above, choose a family that has everything (money, jobs, love, stability) and know complete contentment and be able to reach all the goals that I want with little resistance. You will never know the full range of sorrow or heartache, you will not know what it is like to struggle without help but you will be able to easily help others who do. OR choose a family that has what you need (money, jobs). They are lacking in love and stability but you will know complete failure, complete love, complete heartache and you will struggle and have to work to reach your goals. Your accomplishments will come at a price but you will know what pure happiness is.  

If you could see your life before you choose it, why did you choose the one you did? I can’t imagine if I saw my life laid out like this, especially my childhood, that I would have chosen this path. Or, maybe there is something ahead that is greater than all of the rest. Don’t get me wrong right now I’m in a good place (minus debt but that pretty normal). I wouldn’t change anything in the past because then I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I just ponder the idea of how much choice we had in our lives before we were actually conceived. 

It’s is chance or dance? It’s a question someone asked me in high school. Is everything that happens just by chance or is it a great dance laid out before us. I’d like to think that it’s a great dance. Or at least like one of those books where you can choose different chapters which lead to different endings. I’d like to think that everything happens for a reason and each reason influencing the next step in the dance. That if I make a mistake and misstep one place the dance will recover and push be back onto the right move so that I finish were I was supposed to. That’s what I want to believe. But why is it so hard to just accept that?  

I look at my parents, at my childhood specifically and I wonder if I really did choose that life somehow. And, if I did, why? What did I see in my future that I wanted myself to learn?  

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