I don’t hate anyone. I don’t have hatred in my soul for her, I am just angry. I know that God, or most religious things, say that we should love one another and forgive. But how can I do that when everything has gone backwards and everything has been taken away? How do you move past something or someone’s actions that have harmed you and your family and not feel some sort of anger or hatred?
There are all these quotes on the internet about hatred . . . ‘Hatred will eat at your soul,’ ‘Hatred paralyzed life, love releases it,’ etc etc. But what does that mean? I feel like everything I read is telling me that hatred and anger are bad. Everything assumes that these emotions should be suppressed and pushed away because they will do nothing but harm. But why?
Supposed we embraced our emotions for a moment. What if we opened ourselves up to feeling that hatred, that anger we have for whatever reason. I’m not saying we let it consume us for days, weeks and lifetimes but maybe for a few minutes or hours or a day. What if we accepted that anger and dealt with it head on instead of thinking, ‘oh I’m not supposed to feel anger. If I just feel love and act out of love it will be alright.” Ugh . . . I’m sorry but I’m not sorry at the same time. I’ve tried to be ‘the better person,’ denied that I was angry and tried to think that everything would be alright because hatred and anger would get me no where. Know where love got me? Love got me nothing. It only proved that the same person could again take advantage of me and treat me and my family like they didn’t matter.
Yesterday I embraced my anger. I yelled and cried and finally said that it was enough. I was going to be and angry and no, I didn’t love that person anymore and I couldn’t morally say that I even liked them anymore. They were a toxic person who was ruining my health (mental and thus physical) and my family’s health. I finally accepted that I was allowed to be angry.
We are allowed to feel all these emotions, so we should feel them! We should embrace them because if we try to suppress them we only hurt ourselves more. They are not wrong. Feeling anger and hatred is not bad. What is bad is if we act impulsively in a negative way that could harm others when we are feeling these things. We have to be aware of ourselves, be aware of our emotions, our feelings, our actions.
We have to accept that these are part of us and make us who we are. Denying these feelings will only consume us and send us deeper into a black hole. We have to be more patient with ourselves and have some self acceptance that to feel as we do is ok. Accept that we do not always have to be picture perfect and happy and loving. We can be angry and upset and feel hatred as long as we do it in a constructive way.