Toxic. Toxic people lead to toxic emotions which lead to a downward spiral in your own thoughts and feelings.
Lately I’ve been battling how I feel about a few people. It’s been very hard because one person is from my spouse’s family. I told my spouse the other day that I couldn’t be around one member of the family because she was ‘toxic’ to me. He agreed with me but then we went right back to our same patterns. I only have myself to blame because I thought maybe when we all talk this weekend things will be better and she will be reasonable and better. No, it was not.
Then I realized that no matter what I did, how I acted, what I said or what I wanted or how hard I tried, I would never ‘fix’ the situation. I would never ‘fix’ her. The only thing I was doing was leading myself down an unhealthy path. I had been angry, unable to eat, unable to sleep and crying on and off for almost two weeks.
Today I woke up and finally it hit me. Enough! No more. You can’t fix people. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. You can’t help people who don’t want help. The only person you can truly control and help is yourself. You have to cut the toxic people out of your life. Yes, when it’s family it is harder. Yes, when it is someone close it is hard. But it has to be done and it can be done, not by completely ignoring them but by setting limits. I know this is what I need to do. It’s what needs to be done and it is not hard to cut them out of my life. The hard part is not feeling guilty about it.
Why should we feel guilty? We shouldn’t! Why should be feel guilty about taking care of ourselves and our mental health? We shouldn’t! And when that person sees that they can no longer control you they try to change everyone’s perception of you. Don’t worry. I sat there and had her lie straight to my face and when I looked her in the eye I could tell she knew that she was lying but she didn’t care. We don’t need those people in our lives. They will only bring us down.
Remember you are important. You are allowed to be selfish, to be angry, to be happy and unforgiving. You do not owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself.