Do I like them?

I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me . . .  Now I look around and wonder if I like them.

I used to stress everyday about if people liked me, did my clothes look ok, what if they knew about my personal life, would they like me?  I feel the undying need to impress everyone and to have everyone like me.  I needed that other people approved of me, approved of my style, my personality, of basically who I was.  Then one day I told a story to my classroom staff about what I did that weekend.  I didn’t think, it was like I just mouth vomited how I went on a date with this guy I met on a dating website and how he was like 70 pounds heavier than his picture and I didn’t recognise him and blah blah blah.  I stopped in complete fear in the middle of my story because I realized that I had opened up and oh my gosh, would they still like me?  Instead of judging my assistant asked, ‘so what happened?  Is he getting a second date?’  Haha . . . He didn’t get a second date.  But, I realized that they liked me for me, because I was a little crazy and I took more risks than most people.  When I left my job a year later to pursue other paths they made a comic book about all the dates I had gone on with people from the stories I had told them.  I am married now and while moving I found the book they made me.  Looking through it I started cracking up!  

It was a reminder that in a time when we are so concerned about what others think maybe all that really matters is what we think.  I used to care about what people thought. Now, it’s the oppposite.  I live on a farm and I wear boots covered in cow manure but every day I put on my eye makeup, do my hair and put on pretty earrings.  Why? Because I like it.  I don’t care if people do.  They only ones who see me are the cows and the guy that comes to pick up the milk everyday.  

I used to care if everyone liked me and then I changed.  Now I realize if you like me then you like me, if not that’s ok.  You don’t have to like everyone you meet and everyone you meet doesn’t have to like you either. 


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